Log in my eye

There are many great teachings from Jesus in the New Testament. The series that includes Matt 7 is an outline of Jesus' teachings in a pastoral way. There are many great things in this series, though most of them are overshadowed by the sermon on the mount, which comes a bit before chapter 7. The whole series is a very though pill to swallow. The bar set up by Jesus for Christian living is so high that it feels impossible to follow it all. Of course that is the point as we cannot do it all on our own. This past week I learned a very important lesson that can be summed up by the following verse found in these pastoral teachings; "Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?" Mat. 7:3 I often want to believe myself to be someone called to ministry who is very self aware, always willing and open to give a fair hearing to different points of view. A couple of days ago I had a very good conversation that forced me to face how wrong I have been in my self assesment.
Here is the best way I can explain this revelation that came to me through someone I hope to become good friends with;
One of my favorite forms of entertainment is to watch as people try to show the person they think they are through external means without actually changing at all inside. The type of person I'm refering to is the guy who drives a jeep with oversized tires, the metal gas canister in the back, a big outdoor type of dog, a husky perhaps, he is an outdorsman! He is someone who may just as likely be rafting class V rapids as spelunking somewhere in the yucatan, in his mind. In reality he works in an office and rarely ventures beyond the wilderness of the suburbs. So, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary this person is indeed an outdorsman ready and able to spend a week hiking with no problem. Those who know enough of this guy sometimes wonder how he could not see that to be able to manouver through Fairmount park in Philly, or Central Park in NY without getting lost does not make him a true nature man.
Now I'd like to point out two interesting things about this little snippet of how I entertain myself sometimes. The first is how quick I often am at judging others I see when I am out and about. For all I know the guy driving that jeep is indeed a white water rafting instructor or an ice climbing expert, etc. I have offered here an exagerated example of the type of constant prejudgement I make of people, but I trust you will be able to translate it to more mundane everyday sort of judgement we all make. The second is how creative my assessment of this person is. I point this out because another thing I realized from the conversation I mentioned at the beginning is how great I am at creating justifications for my assumptions.
All of this to say that, this past weekend I realized how proud I was at being able to see the specks in the eyes of some of my fellow Christians while at the same time completely unable to see the big log in my eye that was narrowing how much of the world I could actually see.
I was humbled this weekend and it made me very angry at first, yet the more I explore that experience the more liberating it becomes.

Unexpected cold

today I went bike riding with my friend Kim. We both knew it was a cold day but had no idea how bad it was going to be. Today was a sunny day and though it was in the 20's F. the sun was out and when layered up it isn't a terrible thing. So, we met at my parking lot and as we were getting our bikes ready for the ride we started doubting the wisdom of the choice we'd just made. 5 minutes into the ride we were well beyond doubt in our assessment of how bad of an idea this was. The major problem was the wind. It was bitterly cold and a wall against which we were trying to ride. Each cycle of the pedals was worst that the previous one and we had just gotten started! However, there were two of us and neither was willing to be the one to quit, so we pressed on. We then arrived on the trail and started riding with the wind on our backs. It was still bitterly cold but we no longer had to fight for ever inch, so we pressed on.
When the cold got to be too much we decided to turn around. The choice alone lifted my spirits and I began looking foward to the return trip, the end was near. So, we turned around to begin our way back and two things happened immediately. The first was the wind was now hitting our faces and pushing back hard. The second was that I could see how our way back was going to be up hill for most of the ride! So, there we were, two miles left, suddenly facing two stubborn, strong, challenges that were making everything about the journey difficult. The worst part about it was that the only way to get through it was to fight on! I tried thinking about a hot cup of coffee or my warm house, a hot shower, etc...but none of that worked! In the end, what worked the best was simply pedaling one more full cycle at a time.

My life at church often times feels very much like this ride today. I've always known ministry is a difficult thing to do, but I never really knew just what that was going to feel like. Today, a lesson that I have been learning was illustrated very well for me. I've encountered very difficult problems in ministry so far, (my one year!) my initial method of dealing with them was to try to focus on the outcome to help me through. Today I realized, more fully than ever before, how I've been right and so very wrong at the same time. I was right in doing the work of seeing the end result, the vision, that I was working on. I was wrong in trying to make that the focus of my every step. The vision is where I am going, but what makes it come to be is my giving each pedaling cycle my full attention. I need to keep them both present but the only real one is the pedaling I'm doing at the moment. If I keep on pedaling, each of these small tough fights will eventually add up to bringing my vision to reality. So I will simply press on.